Notaro

• The writer does an excellent job of reeling us into this story.  He also gives permanent information to help the reader fully understand the story. 
• The writer focuses on one particular story for the duration of the essay.  He does get into other accounts for the benefit of the reader, as there in-lies important details.
• His accounts are very detailed and descriptive, which really allowed me to visualize the events.  
• The writer utilizes quoted speech many times throughout the essay.  It was just the right amount to help the reader picture the situation.  They also added a great deal of humor to the story and made it so you could have almost been there yourself.  It showed the character of everyone.
• His accounts were described so well that it was with the least of difficulty to have correlations of my own.
• The author wanted the reader to find humor in this situation with the grandparent.  Details was given in order to establish why certain elements were important.  His explanations make perfect sense.
• His conclusion was not only the end of the story but how the story impacted his life.  He wants us to see that he can now find much humor in these events that once caused him stress, I'm sure.

White

The writer starts his essay where the story begins, the first time his father had taken the family to the camp.  It's easy to become interested right away with his writing because he is so descriptive. 
The writer only writes about the times at the camp and how they relate back to him now as a grown man with a son of his own.  He is remembering moments with his father at the camp over the years and he makes them with his son now. 
I could imagine each character and moment he held in his memory with ease.  He details were so great that I even imagined vitals I don't own being cold.  He described the entire camp, from the way the forest smelled, to the girl's whom served him his meals. 
There were no quotations throughout, but that didn't take away from the piece.  Every moment was detailed enough for me to see the story unfold in my mind. 
The writer is great as showing us the emotion he has connected with these times wit his father.  It's easy to drawl from it and remember your own. 
I believe the writer has issues with his own mortality and accepting where is was at that point in his life.  The son must have been several years old at that time, yet the writer just now sees his role.  It seems he wants life to not move forward and obsessed about what is the same and what little has changed. 
The writer does a fine job concluding not only the story but the underlining message.

Sedaris

The writer starts the essay by giving us ensight on the situation in which he's writing about.  He gives us details to help us understand how it's hard for him to return to school later in life with peers who are younger and more experienced.
The writer gives percise details to help us imagine the story he is telling.  He is focusing on one event rather than telling us of his entire life's story.
He does a terrific job of describing the peers in his class and even the teacher.  He describes his feeling throughout the class which helps us see the point of the essay.  The detailed accounts of his teacher helps us see how he felt during his time with her.
He quotes the teacher often to help us see what abuse he and his peers put up with during the course of the class.  He also remember a time when his mother talked about the things she loved and uses a good quote to help us visualize his memory of her.
Sedaris does a great job of relating his characters to ones in our lives. 
In showing us how the teacher treated him and his peers, we see why it was so important for him to conquer French.  I am guessing the teacher knew this abuse would weed out the week and cause the stubburn to work harder.  The teacher purposefully taunted him hoping to cause him to work harder in learning the language.
Sedaris concludes by letting the readers know he finally can understand the teacher's words.  Only the first step in fully learning French, but a great step towards his achievement.  He wrote about even being joyed in understanding the putdown.

Sentence Variety

Sam got in her car and drove to the mall.  While at the shoe store, she bought a pair of boots and a shoe shine kit.  Sam went to the food court and bought a buritto, which had onions and peppers on it.  While eating the buritto, Sam saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand.  The boy looked at Sam, who blushed, and then walked over to her.  When Sam said hi, the boy wrinkled up his nose.  This confused her, so she said hi again.  The boy gagged and then walked away.  Sam was shocked as she realized she had bad breath.  She ran into the bathroom and cried.  She put on her boots, first shining them, and walked out of the bathroom confidently.  Sam found the boy and told him he needed manners as she kicked him with her new boots.  As the boy fell to the ground, Sam walked away from him and out of the mall.

Mechanics

There are several rules that I follow correctly the majority of the time.  The first one being # 20, keep related words together.  I have always done a good job of keeping the main subject and the principal verb together, knowing that any other phrase or clause would need to be at the beginning of the sentence.
The last English class I took emphaised writting in positive form as #15 states.  I had always done a fairly fine job of this but did learn how to polish that skill during the semester. 

There is definite room for improvement as it pertains to #21, In summaries, keep to one tense.  I am guilty of overusing the expressions, "he said," "she stated," etc.  After reading this rule, I see that I waste words in repeating the notification when summarizing. 

After reading all of these rules, I have more ideas on what to look for in my writting and what do take out.

Revision checklist

1. What is the thesis statement? Is it an accurate reflection of the author’s thesis
statement? Is it stated in your own words? How could you refine it to be more clear and conciseStudents feel parental and economic pressures, peer pressure, and even self-induced pressure.

Yes, I feel as though it’s an accurate thesis statement an is stated in my own words. I think it’s pretty straight forward how it’s written.

2. How is the essay introduced? Do you mention the article’s title, author, purpose and audience? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is discussed therein? Could it be improved?

I introduced my essay by titling it after the author’s and stating the author’s name in the first paragraph. The tone of my paper reflects it’s purpose and the chosen audience. I believe this paper focusing on the main elements noted by the author. Papers could always stand to be improved when written by a student.

3. What are the main points of the summary? How do you recognize them? Do you leave out minor points and repetitive points for emphasis? Most importantly, do you leave out your own opinion, feelings or conclusions on the subject of the article?

The main point in my summary reflect the types of pressures seen by college students and then speak about how our nation needs to make a change in how young people view the college experience and it’s pressures. I tried not to be repetitive in this paper and also try to convey what Zinsser did in his.

4. How is the essay organized? Does it follow the organization of the original article? What transitions do you use? Think of some additional possibilities for more logical organization.

I organized my essay to follow along with how I ordered the pressures experienced by students. It somewhat follow Zinsser’s flow. I transitioned by showing my readers how certain pressures are interrelated to one another. I guess going in exact order with his essay may have been a more logical choice.

5. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic and focus of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in the conclusion? How is that effective or not?

I believe my thesis statement is accurate. I concluded by briefly summarizing the essay but also speaking about the need to break this cycle. I used another quotation by Zinsser to start my conclusion. I believe this was effective because it makes sure the reader sees the correlation between the essays.

6. Make sure to fix any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors.

7. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? Does the essay strive to use active, direct, present tense verbs?

My sentence structure is concise and straight to the point. The wording in that in which many students can relate to, as it the content.

8. Were the textual passages (quotes and paraphrases) well-chosen? Remember you should try avoiding direct quotations when writing a summary.

I chose the quotes that would reinforce the message I was helping to convey. Direct quotations were used in my paper, but I believe they are effective.

9. Is the essay written in third-person? Are all instances of first- and second-person removed from the piece?

I referred to Zinsser and the students in the third person.

10. Is the draft two to three (2-3) pages typed, double-spaced? Are all the margins one inch (1”)?

Yes!